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I often sit and wonder why
You made me leave, you made me cry
I felt so lost and very much alone
My future was gloomy and very unsteady I left felling you did not want me anymore
It felt like you could not wait to get me out of the door
A tender smile, a hug or a kiss
Would have made such a big difference

I got on that bus and did not look back
It was much too hard to do that
So I looked ahead to the long drive away
To hope and pray that I will get back one day

The streets of LA could have been my undoing
I could not find the bus stop to the airport
I walked and walked those seedy streets
A black man pointed out the 42 bus down the next street

I had 14 hours to kill at the airport
I got on the morning bus in Eugene instead of the evening
I could not check in my baggage until 3pm
Six hours to carry my stuff around with me

I landed in Auckland at 6am
With barely enough money just enough to buy a phone card
Just as well I had my nephew Ron I could phone
To come collect me and take me to his home

When I got to Ron's and talked to my brother Dave
I guess things felt a little bit brighter
They were on my side as they said
I am family and I needed a place to lay my head

Well, Dave drove me down to Taihape
Wendy and Wayne had invited me
But after 10 days it was too much
Cause Wendy asked me to leave

I was scared, where was I to go?
Where could I stay, I had no money
The unemplyment benefit had not started
It is times like this, where you know who are your friends

I wandered down to Betty's
To ask her for prayer
When she heard my plight
She said I could stay with her there

I stayed with Betty for nearly 2 months
Never really knowing where I was going
I still had no prospects and still not knowing
How I was ever going to get away from there

Well, Jesus popped an idea into my head
One I had been asked before which turned down
I did not think I could do it
Well the seed grew and took root
That I just knew I could do it

I made inquiries as to how I could get started
In two weeks I was accepted and found board
Packed my few belongings and drove down south
Where I started Care and Support of the Elderly course

Amanda Martin-Shaver
August 2000

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Amanda Martin-Shaver