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Shattered Innocence

Why is it you kept me so young and innocent
Why did you not warn me of the pitfalls of life?
I believed that no one would ever hurt me
Because you kept the stars in my eyes
You should have had more faith in me
If we had only sat down and talked
You left me open and vulnerable
Because I did not see there are bad men out in the world

My first encounter of dispicable men
was a teacher I had at Primary School, I was younger than ten
I was late leaving class on this particular day
He who took the notion he could look through my garments
asking me to name them on by one
I was timid and scared he was in authority
I felt it was wrong but did not know what to do
I was taught not to argue with my elders and betters

I learned that they will prey on innocent girls and boys
The papers and TV these days are just full of it
Nobody spoke of these violations against children back then
It was shrouded behind closed doors and never spoken
The lust in the mens eyes, I did not understand
Even when my spirit tried to warn me.
I doubted my feelings, how could this be?
These men are known to the family!

These lustful men don't care about friendship
when their lust rears it's ugly head
I did not get raped in body,
but was raped in mind instead
They undress you with their eyes
and make lured suggestions
It is rape no matter how you look at it
a violation was commited against my person

They make you feel dirty and that it was my fault
I know now it was not something I said or did
It is their problem not mine
I was in the wrong place at the wrong time
Even as an adult, I would get propositioned by married men
I was married at that time too, and it did not seem to matter to them
That their wife and my husband could be right nearby
If questioned look at me and say all innocent,
I didn't mean any such thing!

I hate the actions of these so and so's
They should all be behind bars
The devastation, hurt, have left such deep scars
You cannot see them because they are on the inside
and are not viewed to all
But are there for a long time, as it is hard to heal
A broken bone takes about six weeks to mend
Abuse never goes away on it's own
it festers up again and again, when someone picks the scab

These men think they can get away with it!
well let me tell you, you can't, one day if you do not confess
you will have to pay for your actions, whether it's this life or the next
You will have to stand before God and be accountable.
I will let God deal with you unscrupulous men
I have moved on and given it away where it belongs
at the foot of the cross, to my saviour Jesus
in His loving embrace the hurt has now gone

Amanda Martin-Shaver

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Amanda Martin-Shaver